Compassion

There are situations in life which test our ability to be the people we want to be. Over the past few weeks, I have been facing a situation like this at work - a situation which makes me angry, upset, and despairing for the validity of all the work I have done here over the last 16 months.


Now, in a work setting, I am an extremely professional person: I pride myself on behaving rationally, without prejudice or emotion and with fairness and consistency. Meetings and workplace clashes in recent weeks have tested this ability, but, nonetheless, I think I've managed to remain calm, I've focused on achieving the desired outcome and I've sidestepped the temptation (in fact, in many cases, the explicit invitation) to get bogged down in personal disputes and blame games.


But that's not the test I'm talking about. Let me explain. Yes, in a professional sense, I have been tested and, I think, I have passed. But the greater test is my human response to all of this. I can succeed at making it through a highly tense and aggressive 4 hour meeting without losing my patience, but just because I have managed to suppress my emotional reactions to the things which are taking place, doesn't mean they don't exist: the anger, the upset, the disappointment, even - I can't decide whether this is too strong a word - the hatred which have bubbled up inside me, have to go somewhere. And, what I've realised these past few weeks, is that they do go somewhere - if I push all of those emotions deep down inside of me, that's where they stay (I suppose it's not rocket science). And that's not healthy. What am I supposed to do with that? As I walk out of a successful meeting, how do I deal with the knot of negativity in my stomach? Surely the answer to remaining professional isn't that I go home at the end of the day to weep and yell at my husband?! No, it can't be. Surely the real answer is not to feel these things in the first place, but instead to be able to look at things from the other person's perspective, understand them, forgive them - be compassionate. That's the person I want to be, and that's the person I'm struggling to be.


I've recently discovered the Dalai Lama. I don't mean I've found him hiding in a cave in Northern Nigeria - I mean I've come to realise (through the magic of Twitter, incidentally - @DalaiLama) that he has some hugely valid things to say and advice to offer about how I could better live my life. It's not a religious thing (I naturally resist belonging to any such institution, and my lack of belief in anything supernatural, including reincarnation, will, I think, preclude me from ever claiming to be a Buddhist), but more of a someone-talking-sense thing. Like Obama, or Eddie Izzard, or Jamie Oliver, or Bob Geldof, or my old boss: when people talk sense, when they say things that resonate with you, that seem to answer questions you've been holding onto, you naturally start listening and turning to them for guidance.


Anyway, the point is, his main message is one of compassion - he teaches that we should rid ourselves of the negative and destructive emotions of anger and hatred, and instead, practice empathy and compassion. Now that's all very well, but what about justice? What about fairness? What about when others are hurting you or those around you? How do you prevent yourself from just becoming a doormat who doesn't stand up for anything? Surely anger - a sense of outrage at injustice - has been a powerful driving force for change in all of human history. If I just love and understand people who are doing harm, what motivates me to do anything about it?


I know there must be a middle ground. I know it's not an either/or situation. I know I should be able to gain some inner calm by empathising and showing compassion for others, while still taking a stand where necessary to prevent harm being done. But I'm not that person yet. Right now, I'm a very angry person, hurt and upset by the injustice and the futility of my efforts in the face of those who are destroying or blocking them, and unable to take any positive action about it without a side order of negativity.